A Mid-College Crisis

-Jyotsha Kumar

You wake up. You brush your teeth. You wash your face and look at yourself in the mirror. You skip breakfast because you are late and rush to your first class. You struggle to stay in the class but fail miserably transcending to your own macrocosm where the only variables are the random powers and abilities that everyone has. Your class ends and you eat the unappealing mess food. You decide to take a short nap but end up sleeping through the evening woken up only by the howls and laughter of your friends in the corridor right outside your room. You decide to sit and study, unsurprisingly enough you get up after a few hours, clicking the close button on your browser which innocently asks “Do you want to close all the tabs?”. You chuckle, closing the windows to your procrastination, reminded of the quiz you were supposed to study for. You spend some more time on random chit chat with your friends. You feel sleepy and finally go to bed. You are tired and fall asleep quickly.

You wake up, but today something is different.

You go to brush your teeth, but something is certainly amiss.

You wash your face and look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself. You see yourself like you have never before. You see yourself. And it hits you like a truck. You realise you have been sailing in life. You did naught but paddle a few times in this journey, your journey, taken by the winds and waves. You realise the only decisions you really took were ones like “Should I drink Coke or Pepsi?”. You realise most choices you thought were your own were actually those in which you were choosing between the lesser evil or simply the lack of actual choices.

You realise all this will change once you are out of here.

This is the last safe haven. After this you will be on your own.

Isn’t this what you always wanted? Freedom? Actually have the ability to choose for yourself? Surely you don’t want to live in someone else’s shadow your entire life. Then why are you petrified, frozen in front of the mirror.

You hear a guy from behind saying “Dude, what’s the holdup? There are other people that want to brush too.”

The rest of the day is a blur. You want to escape the question but at the same time you want to talk about it. With who though? It’s an intimate question. One that you can’t trust anyone else with. You wait for nightfall, to crash on your bed in the dark, to be with yourself, to talk about it. It doesn’t help and now you realise you can’t even fall asleep. You fly into your macrocosm to find some peace. You finally fall asleep.

What? You aren’t afraid of the question? You have everything figured out?

I most certainly am afraid and I don’t have everything figured out. Though I do envy your resolution… Or your ignorance.

 

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1 Comment

Filed under Prose

One response to “A Mid-College Crisis

  1. Mohit Bhalla

    This is so relatable

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