Sonnets of Spring Entry #8

[Note: Link to Sonnets of Spring. Entry is on topic #3]

Mirror

-Infernal Knight

‘There is someone else in the mirror, doc!’

‘What’s more to understand here? I have already narrated this story, like, a million times now.’

‘I told you already. I do not remember what made me come home early that day. I guess it is one of those things you just do not recall, like what you had after dinner two nights ago; or the colour of some shirt you happen to wear on a regular day.’

‘Yes. I did meet her on the way back.’

‘Yes, sometimes I do wake up to eat. How is that relevant anyway? How is anything before the incident relevant?’

‘Damn right I realize you are fucking supposed to know me entirely to judge me, you asshole- but I have repeated this enough times already.

I am sorry for that. I was… not hearing what I said. I* ** fu***** scr****.’

‘Yes, I guess I am okay with repeating it again. I paid a visit at her apartment. I think she had called me while I was working, asking me to meet her at her house. She had some husband issues- you know- the regular kind. It is like there are men in this world who behave as dicks- I mean- jerks- and we are judged for what they do. The bastard hit her… right on her high cheekbones. That meant quite some days of wearing sunglasses for her. In any case, it was a pathetic thing to do, and I was relieved when I heard she was finally divorcing the d-jerk.’

‘Yeah. I do. I love my wife a lot. I work hard for her. You know, the regular kind of work everyone does.’

‘No, that is where most people go wrong. You tend to think that because I wear a suit to work, I just pretend to work and do nothing? I work my ass off twenty-four hours a day. Yes sir, no breaks for me! I do not take time-off for random shit other guys engage in. I have to work to earn money. And I need lots of money. Then perhaps, I’ll buy a place for me on the hills. No more work then. I’ll probably own a farm then.’

‘Yes, my wife wants a farm too. All I’m doing is for her. The Lord knows that I have done everything for her. Even though, you know, she is- how do you put it- barren and all- the regular thing. No children! None, never, not even slightly possible! I have given up hope now, you know. But I guess I cannot help it sometimes- just hoping, like when she called me at work today, asking me to come over for a discussion we needed to have. It was quite regular, I must say. She often does that, calling me up at work and asking me to come over.’

‘Funny thing, yes. I know, she has done it so many times now, I can almost tell you what she’ll do next when she does it. She would begin by saying that she has had enough. Then she would walk over to the window sill and curve her long, slender fingers around the handle of the large, black bag- her nails covered in fading red nail-paint she had probably applied on her a few days ago. And then she would add that to a carefully rehearsed line about our disintegrating marriage and then some other issue and how I need to get my life back on track. It is as I told you earlier doc. She likes joking with me sometimes, but it is crazy how she uses the same scene over and over again.’

‘That’s the most interesting part, yes. I fall for it each time. It may be because I love her so much you know. I told her once I would buy a house for her on the hills. That was before the incident happened.’

‘So then, it was a regular thing, you know. I woke up one day and felt hungry. I have been feeling hungry a lot lately. It is as if I just have to eat and eat and eat all day long. There seems to be a voice inside that says eat, and eat, and keep eating. So I helped myself to a small sandwich. I love sandwiches you see. Whoever invented peanut butter did a service to humanity. Then my wife came up to me and she asked me back to bed lovingly. I love her a lot. Pity though, she can never be a mom. Did I tell you she cannot have children?’

‘Oh yes! My wife is beautiful. Particularly that day, when she called me to bed. She is a passionate woman. Earlier that day, she put on a red nail-paint, you know, regular nail-paint women are so fond of. She was crying though, and all I could think of was to reach out to her and comfort her for whatever was bothering her.’

‘I told you this before, doc, I love her. Why are you leading me in Circles?’

‘Well, then Screw you for trying to understand me. Do not even try to. You will not. You are just like the others… disapproving and discouraging. You guys pull people like me down. You are just like her you know, the childless Bitch. Always trying my patience! She deserved it.’

‘Oh I broke her jaw, I guess, or her high cheekbones. I really do not care. This whore tells me ‘I’ can’t handle peanut butter due to my allergies. As if I do not know what is good for me. Sometimes I feel like beating the shit out of her and dumping her somewhere in these hills. There is not a fucking soul around that would care enough for her rotting corpse. No one understands actually, what it is like to feel strangely trapped. It is as if you can’t break out of yourself even though you want to.’

‘Yes, I have felt so more than once. When I look at the mirror, for instance, it seems as if I am looking at someone else. I do not recognise him… It is… Sometimes you know… Scary to find out that you do not recognise yourself anymore.’

‘Yeah, sometimes I wonder whether there might be someone else in the mirror.’

‘I do not understand. Can you tell me once more about it?’

‘One day, you know, you just decide to come home early. It just feels weird. There happens to be nothing that may trigger this, but I guess there is.’

‘And then you just happen to meet her.’

‘Hey, have you ever felt an inexplicable urge to wake up at the middle of the night and just eat, and eat, and keep eating forever?’

‘Just asking you, you know, to know you better.’

‘I couldn’t get the last statement entirely. Could you repeat yourself?’

‘I agree. I really think a man needs to love his wife.’

‘Your work, doc, is easy. You don’t have to do much, I guess.’

‘Someday, you just want to get up and own a farm. Probably ask your wife if she wants it too and go ahead with that. I really believe a man needs to love his wife.’

‘It is strange when you find your wife pulling the same scene over and over again. But the funny thing is I fall for it each time.’

‘I guess if you love someone so much, you tend to fall for the same stuff each time.’

‘I guess we wandered far away from the actual incident here. We are going in circles. Let us just discuss the incident.’

‘It feels bad if you realise you can never be a father. I think I never told you this before, but my wife is barren, or as they put it, childless. But I guess you can live just with beauty.’

‘I guess you need to live for the person you love. Why else do you leave a life in the city to come to the hills?’

‘I am just trying to understand this for once.’

‘I hit my wife too. I swear I did not want to. I really didn’t, you know. But then something came over me. This thing that is controlling me… Ever find yourself lost in the mirror, doc? Like someone telling you what to do, every moment of your life? And for those intermittent intervals when you break out of it, you just ask yourself the same question- what did you do?

‘Have you ever felt this way, doc?’

‘Sometimes I am just scared. Sometimes you just seem to wonder whether you are looking at yourself in the mirror.’

‘There is someone else in the mirror, doc!’

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