[Note: Link to Sonnets of Spring. Entry is on topic #3]
I am generally a non-believer. I say ‘generally’ because there are times when I want some supernatural force to exist and make things go the way I want them to. Call me selfish if you want to, but well, that’s how I roll. So anyway, I tend to be a rational person, a man of science, very observant and skeptic about events occurring around me looking for a logical explanation for everything. God, religion, superstition, these are roads which I like to leave not taken. With this in mind, I assume no one would mistake me for a guy who has anything to do with possessions or ghosts. And then yesterday, something happened which has got even me muddled up about my beliefs…
It all started with me hanging out with a friend of mine. I won’t call him a friend, maybe just an acquaintance who’s closest to what I have for a friend. Anyway, that’s irrelevant. The point is that we have almost nothing common. If he’s a storehouse of creativity, I am more of a rational scholar. If he’s like a raging forest fire, I am the water that puts him out. If he’s a loquacious llama, I am a pensive piranha.
Ah, I digress again, I don’t know what has possessed me! Nevertheless, we happened to meet a common a friend of ours who was celebrating his birthday yesterday and he invited us for a drink. Now, I had never gotten drunk as such, not because I was against it or anything, but just because I was waiting for a proper opportunity for my first time, maybe when I was with my closest friends or something. And so, this sounded like an excellent chance for my first time. My close friend here was, as always, ready as a primed cannon, and so we agreed.
So the three of us went out to the market to get the stuff. It won’t be wrong to say that I was pretty excited although I tried not to show it to them. So it was a normal conversation that the three of us had, mostly the two of them talking and me listening, but well, that’s the way it usually is and I am fine with it. Finally, we came back to this birthday boy’s room where we were joined by some of our other mutual friends. In fact, I would say, that was the best possible company I could have hoped for, for my first drink.
So everything settled, I unscrewed the cap of the beer bottle in my hand and waited for a few seconds. What I was waiting for I didn’t know, I just waited. Finally this close friend of mine gives me a nudge expecting me to go on. After that, without a second thought, I had the bottle kissing my lips.
It felt weird for the first few moments. The taste? Nothing specifically peculiar, just a normal soft drink like sensation and a slightly bitter taste when I finally removed the bottle from my mouth. I waited for some time, naively expecting my knees to give way or my mouth to utter some nonsense. Nothing, not even any ‘light-headed’-ness. Maybe this was not enough. So I took another big gulp and waited for the same symptoms. Nothing. This went on for like 5 or 6 more times. Still nothing.
All of us stayed there in the room for a while, talking, laughing, listening to songs, having typical fun. All throughout, I was trying to observe. Trying to observe my own behavior and to compare it with the others’, all of whom were experienced in the art of drinking. I found out out that two fingers of my left hand were suddenly feeling quite warm. Just the two them. I found this quite strange and till now, I see no explanation for that. So I sat there, expecting something to happen, some unnatural behavior on my side, or maybe someone pointing out an unnatural behavior on my side, but well none of it happened. In fact, one of them commented that I actually had quite a good capacity, judging from the fact that it was my first time. That give me mixed feelings. I mean, I was glad that I had a high capacity for alcohol, but at the same time, I wanted to get drunk! So, I kept noticing every single action of mine, trying to monitor every single thought of mine for anything unnatural, but no. I completely felt like my normal self.
I still didn’t want to give up. After all, this was my first drinking experience and I wanted to make the most out of it. So when all of us finally dispersed, I kept loitering about and happened to meet another friend of mine. We chatted for like an hour or so about random stuff before we called it a day. Although it had already been late when we had started talking and I had wanted to sleep, I was keen on staying up for a while because I was hoping to get this guy’s judgment on my behavior the next day, i.e. today. Today when I told him that I was drunk last night when we were talking, it came as quite a shock to him and he said that he found my behavior last night to be completely in accordance with my usual self. Later, after talking with him last night, I went back to my room. I tried solving a Rubik’s cube and then, writing down the multiplication table of 3.1416. But unfortunately, I felt as proficient as always in both of these tasks, which proved the well being of both my physical and mental reflexes. My first drinking session seemed to have gone down the drain!
So, disappointed by the developments of last night, I just went on with my usual daily routine till I met my close friend in the afternoon for a multiplayer gaming session. Totally expectedly, our conversation lingered around last night. I elaborated it to him how I was feeling about not being able to observe any behavioral changes in me after my first drink. Now, he told me that what I was thinking was far from the truth. He told me that I had seemed unnaturally quieter last night, not talking much, not laughing at most of his jokes (which for some reason distressed him a lot) and staying very aloof.
This sounded a bit strange. I mean whatever he was describing was actually being done by me intentionally in order to observe my own behavior. So in order to monitor my behavior, I had in a way altered my behavior without even noticing it. But well, all the time, I knew exactly what I was doing and was controlling my actions! Or was I? Had last night just occurred with my inner self taking decisions for me without me knowing it? Was I psychologically trying to observe my behavior or had it all occurred under the influence of the drink? Had I been in control of my senses or had I been possessed by someone else a.k.a. myself? That my friends, is the question.